The greek word for the religion here is "threskos" it means outward expression of religion. And James explained to us the difference of being religious from being spiritual.
Controlling our tonque, is one of the hardest part of christian life. And yes, i suffer too much from this. How can you hurt somebody you love by saying trash words and bullying him or her just to justify your stand?
I just want to tell a story about me not being so christian. Last night, Oct 9, 2011 around 11pm (Manila Time). I did a terrible mistake. I got home from a very successful seminar conducted by our group A4peeps. I have a very good time with God, i love worship and i love praise. We received a very good feedback about the seminar and we are all happy about it.. I never expected that terrible things will happen that night. While i was walking on my way to CCF's church for evaluation, suddenly my phone rang and it was my fiancee. i Answered and i talked to her, she was crying i asked "why? is there any problem?" she insists "No its ok.." i asked her again and again and after atleast 5 repeated questions, she told me.. "Naiinis kasi ako sayo kasi hindi mo man lang ako kinakamusta" i said sorry, and explained the things, but just like any other people, it will be too hard for someone to understand you, if they feel very hurt of your actions. I kept explaining and out of nowhere she told me something i never expected she would say... although i think its not really good for me to post exactly what she said, to make the long story short, i was hurt and very angry about what she told me.. It reminds me of my past, a terrible comparison of myself from other people.. a foul thing for me, i am so mad.. i can't even focus on the evaluation because i kept texting her..
After our meeting, i got home, walking in the floods wearing my maong pants. it was really "nakakadiri" feelings walking in the floods, to think your so tired and wants to rest.
And that night, we chatted on skype got a very big argument! to the point i never realize "BOOM" i said a very foul words that make her back down and cried and turned off the skype chat. I admit i was also shocked of what i've just told her, but my ego will never allow me to say sorry right away, i threatened her thru text to go online again and talk to me, and i said "if you don't want more terrible things to happen", she opened her skype again and we chatted and still i allowed my pride to rule me. It was devastating on her side, she also threatened me of not marrying me anymore. I was shocked but kept my composure(or ego) rule. I asked her "is that what you want?" she never answered, and once again my ego rule, and i asked her with full anger "IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?" threatening her again that i will agree to her demands once she never answered me. She said "No". I had to admit, although i like her answer, but something inside of me reacted. I was embarrassed of my self, suddenly the ego and pride that i have that night became a shame and guilt as a man.. how can i hurt her by my words?? why did i tell her those things?? its a sham!! that night i wanted to die atleast for an hour. I want to say sorry, but word has been said, damage has been done, i felt VERY STUPID about my self. I told my self, man, you just came home from a "Christian" event, and in just few hours your back from your old self.. I said sorry and ask her forgiveness, but i understand it will never be the same.
There are times in our lives, we will be losing our temper. James said "guard your tongue". I failed the test.. indeed i've done worst things. I've hurt my future wife, in 5 seconds, i destroyed something i built for atleast 10months. Although we never broke up, and we reconciled already, i still suffers from that painful memory of us. I am sorry Lord, please forgive my words and actions.. and to my future wife, i am sorry my dear. I know you already forgiven me, but i can still feel the guilt and shame of what i did. I just want you to know that i am always be your man, in good or worst times of our lives.
I love you and i miss you so much.
=(
Lesson learned today: "What matters is who you have in life, not what you have"
God bless you all...
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